Beyond Presents. The Search for Peace and Presence at Christmas
Once Upon a Christmas. From Childhood Wonder to Adult Reality & Expectation
As a child, Christmas was a world of wonder. The days ticked down slowly, each one marked by a paper advent door and the sweet anticipation of magic. Mornings were filled with the scent of cinnamon, the twinkle of fairy lights, and the comforting buzz of family traditions. Decorating the tree, putting up the lights and decorations, writing that very important Christmas list, and not forgetting a sneaky chocolate or 2 before breakfast. The biggest worry? Whether you’d stay awake long enough to spot Santa, and if Santa got your list.
But somewhere along the way, the magic has turned to mayhem and madness. Now as adults, Christmas often arrives with a to-do list longer than a roll of wrapping paper. The fairy lights still twinkle, but they’re tangled and offer less sparkle. The calendar fills up with work deadlines, social invitations, and family logistics. The pressure isn’t just to make Christmas happen. It’s to make it perfect and special. Somehow the reality does not match expectations.
The Grown-Up Christmas List: Where Pressure Creeps In
Hosting and Entertaining: Suddenly, you’re the one planning meals, cleaning the house, and hoping everyone gets along or deciding who you can and can’t invite and the numerous adults behaving badly that you may have to manage.
Gift Giving: Finding the “right” gift for everyone without breaking the bank, looking for a deal, getting your orders in before the deadline can all feel like a test you didn’t sign up for.
Socialising: Balancing the numerous social invitations, family expectations, and your own energy levels can leave you stretched thin.
Financial Pressure: The cost of presents, travel, food, and all the extras to make the day “special” quickly adds up. It’s a pressure that builds up slowly and long before and after the Christmas and holiday festivities.
A recent UK survey found that nearly 1 in 3 adults feel anxious about the financial strain of Christmas, with the average household spending over £700 during the festive period.
Worryingly, about 25% of people admit to using credit cards or loans to cover Christmas costs, leading to lingering debt well into the new year.
Being Alone (or Wanting to Be). For some, Christmas means facing loneliness. For others, it’s craving a moment of solitude in the middle of it all, and feeling guilty for wanting it.
The End-of-Year Effect
As December draws to a close, the noise around us gets louder again. There’s a collective rush for yet more celebrations, reflections on the past year and getting the new year into order. There is a sense of FOMO, overwhelm, overindulgence and pressure to end the year on a high. Social media is full of celebrations and highlight reels, making it easy to feel left behind or “not enough.” It’s natural to feel a sense of heaviness and pressure, even as the world insists on joy & celebrations.
Calming the Chaos. 5 Ways to Find Peace and Presence This Christmas
1. Pause and Breathe Right Now
Sounds simple but simply stopping for a moment (stand up, walk to another room or outside) and take three slow, deep breaths. Notice how your body feels, allow your mind to focus on 1 thing. What can you feel, hear, touch, smell or taste. Even a five-minute pause can help calm your mind and reset your energy. I love putting on my favorite tune, it’s a definite mood changer.
2. Set Boundaries. Practice Saying No
Look at your calendar and choose one event, invitation, or expectation you can gracefully decline. Say yes only to what feels truly meaningful or nourishing. Remember, protecting your time and energy is an act of self-care, not selfishness. It will make you feel lighter not heavier.
3. Simplify Traditions. Pick One Thing to Let Go
Make a list of your usual holiday “shoulds.” Is there a tradition, task, or expectation you could skip this year? Give yourself permission to let go of one thing, whether it’s elaborate gift wrapping, baking, or sending dozens of cards. Focus on what brings you joy, not what brings stress.
4. Acknowledge Your Feelings. Name Them
Take a minute to check in with yourself. How are you really feeling about the season? Write it down, say it aloud, or share it with someone you trust. Remind yourself: It’s okay to feel however you feel. If you’re not feeling it, don’t force it.
5. Reach Out
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or alone, don’t wait. You will find you are not the only one. Call a friend, relative or someone you trust for a coffee and a chat. If you'd like, you can join The Vent Garden’s community for gentle support, calming resources, and tips for a mindful festive season and beyond.
Giving Yourself Space. If the holidays feel heavy, know that you’re not alone. The Vent Garden offers a warm, judgement-free space to talk about whatever’s on your mind, no pressure to give answers, just permission to be yourself. Not sure where to start? Sign up for The Reflection Room to receive tips, resources, and a compassionate space from The Vent Garden team.
You’re warmly invited because you deserve a space where you can stop, calm your mind, connect, and feel heard.
“In the hush between the carols and the chaos, let your mind settle. Sometimes peace finds us in the quietest moments.”
